Supporting Your Partner Through Holiday Grief - Part Two
Navigating the holiday season can be especially challenging when your partner is grieving. In Part Two of Supporting Your Partner Through Holiday Grief, we’ll provide additional tips into practical ways to offer comfort, create space for their emotions, and maintain connection during this emotionally complex time. Whether it's honoring traditions, adjusting expectations, or simply being present, your support can make a meaningful difference.
Foster Emotional Connection by Sharing Support
While grief can create a distance between people, it’s important to remember that it can also be a time to foster a deeper emotional connection. We emphasize that couples are emotionally connected through their responses to each other’s needs. During times of grief, this connection can become even more important.
When your partner is grieving, be proactive in offering emotional support. This can be as simple as offering a warm touch, creating a quiet space for them to process their emotions, or checking in regularly to see how they’re doing. In some cases, you may need to initiate conversations to create emotional closeness and safety.
You can also gently offer emotional intimacy by sharing your own feelings in response to their grief. Expressing vulnerability can strengthen the emotional bond and help your partner feel understood.
For example:
- "I’ve noticed how much pain you’re in, and it hurts me to see you like this. I wish I could take it away, but I’m here with you, every step of the way."
- "I feel a little lost too, and I know this is a hard time for both of us. But I’m grateful for the time we’re spending together, even if it’s difficult."
- "I want to make this easier for you. I’m here to help with anything you need, whether that’s talking or simply sitting together."
Sharing your own feelings can show your partner that you are emotionally available and engaged in the process of grieving together, rather than apart. This mutual emotional exchange strengthens the attachment and allows both partners to feel supported.
Allow for Flexibility and Patience
Grief is unpredictable, and it can change from day to day or even moment to moment. During the holidays, your partner’s emotional needs might shift unexpectedly, and it’s important to remain flexible and patient with them as they process their emotions.
There’s an importance of attachment flexibility—being willing to adjust to each other’s needs in ways that foster a deeper, more secure connection. This means allowing your partner to have good days and bad days, without placing expectations on how they should be feeling or how they should be grieving. Let them move through the process at their own pace.
You might say:
- "I understand that today might be a harder day. We can take things one step at a time, and we don’t have to do everything."
- "If you want to skip certain activities this year, that’s okay. We can create new traditions, or just take it slow."
Supporting your partner’s grief with patience and flexibility allows them to feel that they are in control of their emotional experience. It also builds trust that you won’t push them to “move on” or “get over it” prematurely.
Encourage Professional Support If Needed
Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming, and the support of a loved one, while invaluable, may not be enough. If your partner’s grief is interfering with their ability to function or if they’re struggling to manage their emotions, it might be helpful to encourage them to seek professional support, such as therapy. Grief often triggers deep emotional wounds, and a therapist can provide tools and strategies to help your partner process those emotions in a safe environment.
You might say:
- "I can see how much this is affecting you. It might help to talk to someone who can support you through this grief. Would you be open to that?"
- "If you ever feel like talking to someone outside of our relationship would help, I’ll support you in that decision."
Offering the suggestion of therapy shows your partner that you care about their emotional well-being and that seeking help is a courageous and supportive step.
Helping a partner through holiday grief requires deep emotional attunement, patience, and compassion. By creating a safe emotional space, validating their feelings, and fostering emotional connection, you can provide the support they need during this difficult time. The holidays may never be the same for your partner, but with your love, presence, and understanding, you can walk through this grieving process together, strengthening your emotional bond.