Supporting Your Partner Through Holiday Grief - Part Two
Navigating the holiday season can be especially challenging when your partner is grieving. In Part Two of Supporting Your Partner Through Holiday Grief, we’ll provide additional tips into practical ways to offer comfort, create space for their emotions, and maintain connection during this emotionally complex time. Whether it's honoring traditions, adjusting expectations, or simply being present, your support can make a meaningful difference.
Foster Emotional Connection by Sharing Support
While grief can create a distance between people, it’s important to remember that it can also be a time to foster a deeper emotional connection. We emphasize that couples are emotionally connected through their responses to each other’s needs. During times of grief, this connection can become even more important.
When your partner is grieving, be proactive in offering emotional support. This can be as simple as offering a warm touch, creating a quiet space for them to process their emotions, or checking in regularly to see how they’re doing. In some cases, you may need to initiate conversations to create emotional closeness and safety.
You can also gently offer emotional intimacy by sharing your own feelings in response to their grief. Expressing vulnerability can strengthen the emotional bond and help your partner feel understood.
For example:
- "I’ve noticed how much pain you’re in, and it hurts me to see you like this. I wish I could take it away, but I’m here with you, every step of the way."
- "I feel a little lost too, and I know this is a hard time for both of us. But I’m grateful for the time we’re spending together, even if it’s difficult."
- "I want to make this easier for you. I’m here to help with anything you need, whether that’s talking or simply sitting together."
Sharing your own feelings can show your partner that you are emotionally available and engaged in the process of grieving together, rather than apart. This mutual emotional exchange strengthens the attachment and allows both partners to feel supported.
Allow for Flexibility and Patience
Grief is unpredictable, and it can change from day to day or even moment to moment. During the holidays, your partner’s emotional needs might shift unexpectedly, and it’s important to remain flexible and patient with them as they process their emotions.
There’s an importance of attachment flexibility—being willing to adjust to each other’s needs in ways that foster a deeper, more secure connection. This means allowing your partner to have good days and bad days, without placing expectations on how they should be feeling or how they should be grieving. Let them move through the process at their own pace.
You might say:
- "I understand that today might be a harder day. We can take things one step at a time, and we don’t have to do everything."
- "If you want to skip certain activities this year, that’s okay. We can create new traditions, or just take it slow."
Supporting your partner’s grief with patience and flexibility allows them to feel that they are in control of their emotional experience. It also builds trust that you won’t push them to “move on” or “get over it” prematurely.
Encourage Professional Support If Needed
Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming, and the support of a loved one, while invaluable, may not be enough. If your partner’s grief is interfering with their ability to function or if they’re struggling to manage their emotions, it might be helpful to encourage them to seek professional support, such as therapy. Grief often triggers deep emotional wounds, and a therapist can provide tools and strategies to help your partner process those emotions in a safe environment.
You might say:
- "I can see how much this is affecting you. It might help to talk to someone who can support you through this grief. Would you be open to that?"
- "If you ever feel like talking to someone outside of our relationship would help, I’ll support you in that decision."
Offering the suggestion of therapy shows your partner that you care about their emotional well-being and that seeking help is a courageous and supportive step.
Helping a partner through holiday grief requires deep emotional attunement, patience, and compassion. By creating a safe emotional space, validating their feelings, and fostering emotional connection, you can provide the support they need during this difficult time. The holidays may never be the same for your partner, but with your love, presence, and understanding, you can walk through this grieving process together, strengthening your emotional bond.
Supporting Your Partner Through Holiday Grief - Part One
Supporting your partner through holiday grief
The holiday season is often synonymous with joy, connection, and celebration. For many, it’s a time to share warmth and make lasting memories with loved ones. However, for someone grieving—whether due to the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other significant loss—the holidays can be a painful reminder of what’s missing. The emotional weight of grief can feel especially heavy during this time, and as a partner, you may feel unsure about how to help, what to say, or how to be supportive without overwhelming them further.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we understand that emotions are central to how people connect, heal, and grow. Grief is an emotional experience that can deeply impact relationships, especially romantic ones. The key to helping your partner through holiday grief is to be present with them emotionally, to understand their emotional needs, and to create a safe, compassionate space where they can experience and process their feelings.
Create a Safe Emotional Space for Vulnerability
Grief often brings up raw, vulnerable emotions. It’s not uncommon for someone who is grieving to experience a wide range of feelings: sadness, anger, fear, guilt, or even numbness. During the holidays, these emotions can become more intense. For someone who is mourning, there can be a deep longing for what has been lost, and that longing might be difficult to express.
As a partner, one of the most important things you can do is create a **safe emotional space** for your loved one. This means being present and available for your partner’s emotions without judgment, criticism, or trying to “fix” their pain. It’s about allowing them to feel whatever they’re feeling and assuring them that it’s okay to be vulnerable with you.
You might say:
- "I can see how much this hurts, and I want you to know that I’m here with you, no matter what you’re feeling."
- "If you need to cry or just sit in silence, I’m right here. You don’t have to hold anything back."
- "I can’t take your pain away, but I’m here to share it with you."
Emotional responsiveness is key—being attuned to your partner’s emotions and responding with care and empathy. When you respond in ways that honor and validate their grief, it fosters emotional safety and deepens the bond between you.
Tune In to Their Emotional Needs
Grief is an intensely emotional experience, and everyone processes it in their own way. Some people may want to talk about their loss and share memories, while others may retreat inwardly and need space. It’s important to tune into your partner’s emotional needs, both in the moment and over time.
We talk about the importance of emotional attunement—being in tune with your partner’s emotional states and needs. This means not only recognizing when they are struggling but also understanding how they may want to be supported. Sometimes, grief doesn’t look like sadness. It can show up as irritability, withdrawal, or even a desire to avoid certain holiday activities. Understanding that your partner’s grief may take many forms will help you respond in ways that feel helpful rather than overwhelming.
You might ask:
- "I know this time of year is tough. Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer some quiet time together?"
- "I’m noticing that you seem a little overwhelmed. How can I help make this easier for you right now?"
- "Would you like to share some memories of [loved one], or would it feel better to take a break from the holiday talk?"
By engaging in emotionally focused listening, where you listen deeply to not just the words but the feelings behind them, you create a space where your partner’s emotional needs are met without the need for them to express everything explicitly. This builds emotional trust and connection.
Validate Their Grief and Emotions
Grief can be an isolating experience. When someone is grieving, they may feel misunderstood, or they may be unsure if their feelings are “acceptable” or “appropriate” during the holidays. As a partner, one of the most important things you can do is validate their emotions. This means acknowledging their pain without judgment or trying to minimize it.
Validation is a core element of emotional support. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner says, but it does mean showing that you understand their emotional experience and that their feelings are normal and justified. Validation helps your partner feel seen and heard in a way that encourages emotional expression and healing.
You can validate their grief by saying:
- "It makes sense that you’re feeling so sad. The holidays have always been a time to share memories, and this year is different."
- "I can only imagine how much you miss [name]. It’s okay to feel this way, and it’s okay if it takes time to heal."
- "I see how hard this is for you. I’m not going to rush you through it, and I’m here as long as you need me."
Validation fosters emotional closeness. When you validate your partner’s grief, you are letting them know that their feelings are part of their shared human experience and that they’re not alone.
Check back later this week for more tips for supporting your partner through holiday grief!